deanise blog

well, it has been a long time since i last scribble words here..its sunday n since im free i feel like writing here to relieve my stress n homesickness here…

life in kl is reli tough…living here wid frens without family is reli bored..dun hav de feeling of love here like when im at home..reli miss home…dad, mum, bro n everyone i miss all of u..i miss home…

college life is even worst.. its so tiring n i dun look forward for the next class…its like de worst part of my life ever to study here..but too bad i have no choice..hav to take it as part of growing up life..stepping into adulthood…in college i hav to walk a distance to get to lecture and tutorial…its like climbing up and down mountain everyday..n when ur late a bit for class, lecturer will start to say about u..dey will be like y r u ppl alwiz late???dis grp is alwiz like dat??y cant u wake faster??? its reli sad when u heard all dis…=( n imagine ive been here for 7 weeks n its going to be the 8 weeks n i noe ntg about what im learning actually..its reli stress….but i muz alwiz blif i can do it no matter hw hard it is..i’ve learn dat life is tough but i hav to be tougher..i muz be able to fight it..i muz conquer my fear n nt let fear conquer me…winning is about thinking one step ahead…

well, when i make de decision to come here means i muz be ready n able to do it.. i muz nvr disappoint my family ppl…though its tough here im trying my very best to adapt..i will proof it..i will proof dat im able to…….im strong…i will…

its a sad story renting hse in kl..first i went dere happily but dun gt to see any hse..den as no one care, i find a hse qall on my own..it is fully furnished n worth for ur info dear frens..tot ive found a gd housemates, a gd hse and a great place ill be when i go kl to further my studies..but nw it turns out hell..i hate it..i do everything..but hav u all say something that appreciate wat ive done for u all?? have u ppl ever think of hw a feel??? hav u ppl realize wat u ppl hav contribute in all dis other den paying ur rental?? for ur info all dis is nt wat i want..i oso dunno it will turn out like dis..if u ppl were so scared y???y???y??? in de first place u all dwn to help me in finding a hse.. yyyyyyyyyyy??? y??i apologize if i hurt u all o giv u all such s short notice..but frm nw n frm dis second onwards do everything urself…urself n urself…im nt going to care anymore..dats enuf…watever its going to happen u ppl do wat u all think is benefit to u all…i dwn to noe o care..im nt asking for ur sympathy o wan u ppl to pay for wat ive done for u all..but plz a can u all juz appreciate wat ppl do for u all..can o nt??dats all i can do n im sorry for everything..hope our days in kl will be fine n let me juz forget dis stupid rental problem..

memories!!! cny juz finish..collected quite many ang pow..yeah,,dats great..take all de money go thailand shopping..

den bought so many things..i guess dis is reli my great trip wid my dear fren n her ah ma n mum..dey were all so kind n good to me.. thanks a lot..

lets me say some of the memories dere…went dere for 2 days one nite..n guess wat..we walk frm the time we reach till at nite..i reli salute my fren de ah ma n mum o..dey can walk non stop..but for me..memories..reli..first time i tink i walk for so long..my leg hurts…wan patah d..haha…

nvm nvm…this is all fun..thoough its tired i enjoyed the trip..so nice..but one thing i miz the toot toot motor de..haha…we oso ate a lot..thanks a lot to the 3 of dem..

we even tok to the thai ppl like chic n duck..damn paise..haha..but i love the nite market dere..dere i gt to buy most of my things..erm, dis memories is so nice..but sigh im broke nw..no more money..

n nw im going to kl dis thurs..again money money money..everything is money..haha…

memories…dis trip will alwiz remain a gd memory in my heart..thanks a lot my dear fren n oso nt to forget ur mummy n ur ah ma…a thousand thanks..love all of u..

at last im free frm aussino..hav been working dere for 3 weeks n i reli hav de worst nightmare..well, i work at the komtar branch..n as all of us noe komtar is now so dead..phew its full wid de malays n all de indo, de weird ppl all…

ok…nw my work experience dere..hav been working wid de most horrible asst supervisor ever…he is damn weird..can u ever imagine he keep all his stuff folded in his pocket..n dere’s once he so LOVES to transfer de sales till damn late where all de shops r closed n its so quiet dere..den one day dre’s a customer so good..i guess if its anyone else ppl will be so angry of him..de customer use a credit card to pay..den he juz hold da card n de receipt da customer sign for bout 5 mins juz to compare n see de signature..omg..horrible!!!

den working dere is like feeding de nyamuk…n tangkap nyamuk..i even sleep while im working..so bored till i reli dunno hw to expressed..n ya one more i went dere to pull white hair for my aunt..wat a job im doing??? i even wentdere to take pics n nt working..lolz!!!n de manager is paying me such a gd pay..hw good…at last i get over it..

nw bac to coll…as coll reopen one week d..but dere’s lots of bad news..de marking scheme is nw higher..dunno wat will my results be..reli hope i’ll pass..n most of all i gt wat i expect…lolz!!!!dis sem is reli tough..so many assignment n dere’s presentations too..but its ok..reli hope i pass n da coming ones will be fine..reli cant wait to rad nw..den will it be a sweet dreams come true after dis or even da worst nightmare???

sigh..afetr so long nvr write blog today im bac here again..so confuse n dunno wat i shud do..juz finish test juz nw i im very disappointed..its easier compare to da previous 2 test but i juz dunno y i cant do it..i was totally blank at the time n im glad my fren let me see n try to teach me but im sorry i cant do  it stil cuz im reli blank..im sorry too cuz i cant help u much..

i tink im gonna be dead when dat silly lec return me da paper..no working but there’s answer…wat a silly mistake i did..n nw in few more weeks my final will be coming..hw am i goanna survive dis sem??wll i pass all or omg wat will be the results??

im so blank n dunno wat to do at all..reli blank on wats going on dis sem.. dunno wat thge lec teaching oso..haih..dunno wat i shud do..shall work hard but i juz dun have my mood to study now..juz dunno y??

hope good things will come my way in the next few weeks..nothing is impossible so i reli hope ill pass all my papers dis sem..

wat’s wrong wid me again..i look so moody after yesterday nite..izit cuz of exam??? NO its not…wat’s wrong??maybe cuz of da news i heard..so shock n sad…but its all over..nw time to tink +ve n b hapi bac like i use to be…

juz knew it yesterday dat phee go be monk..sigh..y didnt he told me..but luckily its juz a week de..if nt i reli dunno hw sad i am d lo..but nvm la..his coming bac soon..i guess its juz few more days..hope everything wil b fine after dat..but wat i reli need to do is forget everything n dun tink d…dunno wat’s gonna happen da day after today..sigh..2moro la..so i wanna be happy bac d lo..haha..maybe he wanna married d lo dats y he go be monk..but here to wish him all da best la in wateva he do…

sis von n reene im here to say im sorry if i ever act to much over everything…maybe cuz of he go b monk den bad mood..but dun worry im fine d nw..tinking +ve n be happy..von im telling u here yes me n reene is oredi gs…hope u dun mind..if u do im sorry..but me wont hurt da both of u k..hope u too..reene dun tink so much d k..its not worth..be happy k..

ok la nw its time to forget wat have happen b4 dis n move on wid a happy life like i use to be..where is da siao siao me?? nw havin exam so studies is more important..play too much d for da past 3 yrs…since form 4 play d..nw time to wake up..wake up n be da me bac..

phee thanks for everything n i wish u all da best..hope u meant wat u say..will be together 4eva as bro n sis k…von same here u r still my gs no matter wat..we shud look to our first yr k..den we must go out enjoy d..reene same k..we must look on n celebrate our yrs together..PHEE, VON,REENE N KOKO u all will alwiz remain in my heart n alwiz dat important to me k..our relationship as bro n sis will remain forever n everTHINK Positive n BE HAPPY!!

thanks a lot my dear fren…dats enuf of u..i made da decision to tok bac to u is cuz of sir as well as frenz..forget da past n tok to u..but its a great disappointment..ive noe da truth once again..ya u created a nice n wonderful story..da ppl dat trust u is really smart..though dey dint say hu created but too bad at last da truth comes wid god watching over all of us..it has been few yrs i dint tok to u as im very hurt n disappointed wid u, hu have lied..NOW,today dat ive forgive n tok bac to u i heard again u saying things bout me which is nt true..ya u may do so..i thank u a lot n thanks very much for letting me noe hu my frenz r… n oso da adults dat blif in u..those hu blif u r reli smart n intelligent..dun worry ill proof dem wrong for trusting u..stop acting in front of me..im telling u now..stop creating ur dear story..i remember wat ur mum said b4..no worries im sure dat till today i proof to u dat im well teach by my mum compare to u..u tell lies..u created stories..u hurt ppl..

wat else do u noe..i tink its my biggest mistake to forget wat u’ve done n tok to u..im reli disappointed wid u..im SORRY through dis blog it will b da end of da days u wanted..u told ppl u wanna tok to me..but put ur hand n touch ur heart..ask urself do u deserve it?? do u deserve it?? im telling u i wont tok to u frm nw on..no matter wat happen anymore..tell la da whole world u wanna tok to me but i dwn..im sure dis time dere’s no more turning bac..

for da person hu blif ur story i apologize i dint say those things..u dun hav to tel hu izit but ive known..ya n da gurl hu is a great creater hw can i be bo ngam wid a person i dun even tok to n i dun even hav a chat wid her b4??im reli hurt n disappointed wid u..im glad da adults hu say bad bout u nw called n chat wid u..she’s oso a gd person..

well its midnite nw n i dun ever wanna tink of all dis again..stop finding fault b4 u see da next me in front of ur mum again..n dat time u will noe..stop creating ur stories b4 i go n tell ppl bout ur character..ur attitude..ur a liar..stop all dat..a gurl whom ur mum teach u well..im juz treating u as a frenz dat dun wanna do all dis..but dun make my anger comes bac..

ok nw dat ive noe wat happen actually i apologize to u ppl hu misunderstand..u noe da prob between da both of us n u trust a person like her..ya im disappointed wid u as an adult hu see things dis way..well,i hope dis comes to an end as we all lead our own ways to success..

evon im sorry..i dunno hw much i can trust u now..i noe u try to make me happy..but do u ever tink dat when i noe da truth i will b angry of u n lost trust on u..i noe shes one ur sis b4 but nw dat u said to koko n me shes no longer y must u hide things frm me..y??wats da point if we go on??wat da point??since she ’s more important u may go ahead wid her..i told u b4 im nt a gd sis but u say no..but nw ive play my role as ur sis but hav u?? she msg me n i dunno hu’s num i ask u n u noe n u lie..u say u dunno..is she dat important??if she is den make a stop nw..i dunno hw much my trust for u is nw..i reli dunno..im so hurt n disappointed wid u..wat u wan nw??tell me..tell me face to face..n i noe u stil hav feelings for her like last time..if u r stop playing koko..juz tel him..u noe all her bad things n hw can u do dis to koko..hw come??

lets put our hands together n make dis matter comes to an end..im sure god will be ther watching..one day one day sooner or later u will noe wat u hav said n wat u blif is true or not..im sure GOD will be ther to side those hu r rite n nt a story creater..btw,thanks for everything..

its 2.30am d nw n im stil awake…koko so sad wat happen to u juz nw..haih..really pity..dun worry everything will be find after a while..i was suppose be at clhs to watch da match between heng ee n youngster but unfortunately i dun get to go cuz koko came to my hse..he juz left his job cuz its too pressure…he came to my hse n we sat dere toking wid sis too..dey both cried..really pity…

sis i tink u really need to tink bout wat ur doing..let me say if im at koko’s side im very hurt too..though u promise to change but u didn’t…come on la ask urself wat if today u r him?? hw will u feel?his pressure enuf n sad enuf so plz im asking u here dun hurt him d k..i reli dunno wat i can do but juz advise u lo..

koko nw dat i noe wat happen actually to u im really very sad..btw,no matter wat, she is stil ur mum..YES,she does nt care for u but im sure she gt her reason..y not make an effort to find ur dad..u dun even noe he is stil alive or dead, so dis means he might be alive..im sure he left cuz of his own reason..im sure nt he dwn u…like u said when his wid u for da begining of ur 10yrs u were very ‘ho mia’ so im sure he loves u..maybe he did nt turn up till today is cuz he lost contact wid u..

nw dat 11 yrs had past since he left,u sufferd a lot…u lost da happiness u had but dun worry we will alwiz b dere for u…life is alwiz full wid ups and downs, happiness n sadness..everyone have their own probs im sure, but try nt to tink k…see open, things will be better..ya 11yrs had past n u hav lots of sorrow..but tink in d other way u stil hav von n oso me..

btw i juz dun understand y ur mum can do dat..she carried u 4 9mths n she sanggup see u like dat..wat mum is dis??sigh..reli disappointed..koko dun worry i’ll help u as long as i can..im sure ur bro n sis tinks bout u..im sure dey care for u too..there is alwiz ppl caring 4 u..nw dat u hav left home i tink its reli a test in life which u need to go through..

i see no evil,say no evil n hear no evil…dun worry i’ll help u..ya u can be my driver d o..haha..can fetch me go coll liao dis sem..haha…yeah i no need ma huan my mum liao…dun tink d k..DUN WORRY BE HAPPY!!

MAY GOD BLESS U!! may u get wat u want n be happy alwiz!!GOD is alwiz dere for us…reach out n u’ll be there..

koko take care…miz alwiz n luv, sis deanise..

there’s a lovely little garden,

in da corner of my heart,

where happy dreams are gathered,to nvr more depart,

its a garden of remembrance, where fragant flowers grow,

frm the tiny seeds of comfort, that love n kindness show,

for each treasured happy memory, life a sweet

"FORGET ME NOT"

holds a lasting fond remembrance

in my special garden spot..

making a thousand frenz a yr is nt a miracle, the miracle is to have a fren who stands by you for a thousand reasons..

this is da best place i can say where i can xpressed myself out…i’m stil very headache bout frenz…wat r frenz actually for??nw i dwn blame anyone but oni 1 thing i wanna say…is EVERYTHING done???ppl who said bout me watch out..god is looking at all of us…god noes best hu is telling da truth..u ppl r so free adding salt n sugar to pepper rite??ya u ppl may go on..thanks a lot for making all dis happen..i juz wanna things done once n for all..but can u ppl plz la stop all those rumours u ppl doing can bo…n stop denying wat u hav said n blame others for it..touch ur heart n feel hw hurt it is if ur in our condition…

i beg u for da first time stop spreading things n if u really did it juz admit it la..stop putting da blame on others..i can say im nt a perfect gurl nor im a perfect frenz…i did do mistake n im sorry for dat..i hope those hu r trying to say me u may go on i dun care..i dun mind whether hu r u???i noe u frm when or wat???i noe u ppl stil saying but im nt taking a damn anymmore..there’s enuf of hurt..

n more u ppl say n da more ppl will noe hu is actually da rite 1..one saying goes da person hu tells u bout a frenz bad things dat person is da 1 hu wanna make things worst..well,nw i gt to noe everything..n stop pretending d k..STOP EVERYTHING!!!plz!!! stop wat ur trying to do…ya one thing adults r juz acting like kids..where hav ur  brain been?? i hate it..i HATE!! ok.. find da truth..da TRUTH…but i juz wan it done…ok??DONE…

nw im stil very hurt bout wat happen but i dun wanna care d…n all of u hu had blame me or say bout me stop it…i dare u to tink u nvr say bout ur frenz…u sure?? i noe hu u r n ask urself wat hav u done??wat hav u said to me?? wat r u trying to do nw??ya u may nt like me but u dun hav to do such things..nw dat ive noe hu u r im sorry n im THANKING u here for being my frenz all dis while…a fren hu lie..a frenz hu blame me..a fren hu said thing dat i dun say..thanks a lot my fren..im making it clear dat i wan da things to be done..FINISH n end our relation as fren..to da person hu told me evrything thanks a lot..n i noe hu told u too..she may b my enemy once but though we hav finish high sch n we r grown up lets make a stop..ya n thanks a lot for evrything u have help me especially when we work time..

everyone do made mistake…no one is perfect in dis world..i  learned frm mistake n i change..n i improved..to everyone im sorry if i ever hurt u n did anything wrong to u..im sorry…n im thanking u for everything u ppl had given me…thanks for ur guidance n thanks for everything..im apologizing here n im thanking u for everything…frenz r mean to be sincere..im sorry cuz i said bout u n im telling u ppl dun add thing to a matter..stop being KAYU API…

ok nw i reli hope evrything is done d can or not..make an END n STOP to it plz..im tired of it..to da person hu say it come n say in front of me..wat u want?stop spreading things k..come n tell me face to face..u bei shiok wat till need to do like dis..make it done k..im tired of u ppl d..come on i dun care ur my frenz or hu u r stop all those nonsense…ur juz making everyone losing frenz..

n for u, after reading u’ll noe hu i mean…dun be sad d k…though u said bout me but now i forgive u k..n im thanking u for being my frenz but im juz telling u da truth im disappointed with wat u’ve done..i noe u too r hurt like me but its over  means its over..juz forget bout it n start a new life..ive learn frm my mistake n im changing to improve but juz wanna tel u forget bout it k..2moro will be better..

PLZ STOP SAYING N MAKE IT AN ENDS TO EVERYTHING..IF U R TOO FREE WANNA SAY SUMMORE U MAY GO ON..GOD NOES EVERYTHING N HIS WATCHING OVER US..I REALLY HOPE IT WILL BE DONE N EVRYTHING DAT PAST WONT BE REPEAT OR SAID AGAIN..those u have said touch ur heart n ask urself wat have u said n izit true..

this is for u mot im apologizing again IM SORRY n im thanking u mot for helping me all this while..n one more thing ive nvr said ur da worst mum in da world..n once again thank u for ur guidance n thanks a lot for wat u hav given me to where i am standing nw.. n im sorry if i ever hurt u or done anything wrong..n for u ppl my frenz im sorry if i ever hurt u ppl n i thank u ppl very much..i do hope all dis will end….

sorry for evrything n thanks a lot too..may god bless us n make this prob a real past..i really hope this is da END.. =(